Struggling to Reconnect with My Faith After a Difficult Past

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I'm in my late twenties and grew up in a Muslim household. As a child, I was very devout and never missed my prayers. In my teens, my passion grew, and I even persuaded my family to let me spend the last ten days of Ramadan in the mosque for itikaf. Despite facing abuse at home, I tried to read the Quran with translation and prayed in my own language to feel closer to Allah, since I didn't know Arabic. In my early twenties, I joined the military and was blessed to perform Umrah at 21. I always felt close to Allah and had peace in my heart. But during that time, a silent enemy attacked from behind: philosophy and pornography. Primarily philosophy. I read metaphysics avidly, starting with books like Reza Aslan's, then moving to Nietzsche, Foucault, Voltaire, Jung, and Freud. Over the years, my faith changed. I can't pray with the same sincerity, and my thinking has shifted. Like Faust, I was tricked by Mephistopheles. I got into drugs and partying too. Then, one dark night, repressed memories of my father's abuse resurfaced, and I've never been the same. Pornography became a comfort in my loneliness, though I'm actively trying to overcome it. My childhood depression has lifted, but now I feel distant from Islam. I wish I could have the pure heart of a child again, but after reading about many religions, everything feels jumbled, and I'm facing an existential crisis. I'm not the same person anymore-like the Ship of Theseus paradox. Nothing seems to help. Please give me sincere advice or share your stories. I want to be a better Muslim, and I know spirituality is about the heart, not just bowing in prayer, but something is holding me back.