Struggling Between Desire, Faith, and Patience: The Emotional Weight of Waiting Until Marriage

Assalamu alaikum, brothers and sisters. I'm going through a really tough time emotionally and I need your advice. I feel deeply lonely and sad because I don't have a life partner yet, and at the same time, I'm dealing with strong, ongoing desires that aren't being fulfilled. It's like a constant battle in my mind. Sometimes I can push through with prayer, remembering Allah, and thinking about how serious zina is and how people regret it later. But lately, I'm just mentally drained and broken inside. I'm almost 30 and I've never been with a woman. As years go by, I sometimes feel like my youth is slipping away and I'm missing out on something big. Many of my friends travel to nearby countries and commit zina. When they talk about it, I start feeling weird, abnormal, even less of a man. Part of me says I need to do it just to prove I'm a man, to stop feeling deprived, and just get over it. But another part of me says no way. My heart and conscience can't accept sex outside marriage. Whenever I seriously think about going and doing it, I get scared of Allah and worry that I'll lose His blessings and success in my future. This conflict is even harder because I truly believe marriage might be close. My family is helping me pursue a good, serious marriage with a woman who is kind, good-hearted, beautiful, and right for me. So I'm stuck between two forces: one says be patient, don't risk losing a potentially great future wife; the other says just satisfy your desire now, shut up your mind, experience what you've been missing, and stop thinking about sex all the time. This long-term deprivation is really messing with me psychologically. I'm scared that if this continues, I'll end up with serious emotional exhaustion or depression that could take a long time to heal. What's frustrating is that objectively, I've got a lot going for me. I'm young, fit, take care of myself, and there's no clear reason why I should feel this way. I've also read a lot about STDs, the psychological damage of casual sex, and studies linking multiple partners to higher divorce rates. I worry about guilt, self-hatred, and regret afterward, especially since my faith is a big part of my life. I use all this knowledge to protect myself, but the thoughts and urges keep coming. The hardest part is that this fight never ends. I'm not struggling because I can't get married; the main reason I haven't yet is that I've been working on becoming financially stable and building myself. Insha'Allah, I think I'll be ready soon financially. At the end of the day, I'm not just looking for a way to satisfy a desire. I'm torn between an intense need for closeness and experience, the pressure of age and comparing myself to others, my faith and conscience, and the chance of marrying someone I truly respect. I'm scared of both choices: I fear what might happen if I give in, and I also fear what this ongoing deprivation might do to my mind.