Searching for meaning when you feel lost

Ever since I was a little kid, around 5 years old, music has been my deepest passion. I had such a clear picture of what I wanted to do and exactly how to get there. When I was 14, I actually got accepted into a top academy for young talents-my school had quietly recommended me after one of my stage performances. But I never ended up going. Alhamdulillah, that same year my family made hijrah and we moved to a Muslim country. The shift was rough, dealing with political instability, violence, chaos, and barely any internet. I pushed through and kind of let go of everything. I finished high school back home, and then that old urge to chase my passion came roaring back. I was ready to leave. Only thing is, I didn’t leave. I got a full scholarship to a local university, so I stayed and went for a degree instead. I slogged through four years for something I wasn’t even into, but hey, I graduated with honors. Right after graduation, the pandemic hit and my family went through a serious financial crunch. We took out a loan and started a small business, and I managed the whole thing by myself. I was working 7 days a week, from 6 in the morning till midnight. Did that for nearly 3 years until the business failed and I had to shut it down. That’s when I sank into a deep depression. I thought a gap year would help, but it just made my mental health spiral. Then I enrolled in a career-switching training program that took about a year, only to realize I didn’t like that path either and dropped it. I did some freelancing, odd jobs, always searching for something fulfilling, but every time I failed to find it. Now, whenever I see young people pursuing music and succeeding, I feel this sharp ache. Knowing how much I could do and learn, but for the sake of Allah I’ve chosen not to. I feel like a failure for not wanting anything else or having no options, but before we moved, I was so sure I’d make a name for myself in the industry. I feel like I’ve wasted my time. I truly have no clue what to do.