My Ramadan Journey as Someone Still Exploring Faith

I’m fasting for Ramadan this year, even though I haven’t formally embraced Islam yet. I’ve been considering it for about two years, but every time, after the first week of fasting, I start feeling like I’m just pretending to be part of something that isn’t truly mine. During that initial week, I often feel close to Allah ﷻ, especially when I visit the masjid with friends sometimes. But I’ve never managed to keep up with my prayers regularly. Last year I prayed consistently for a few weeks, then got overwhelmed and didn’t think about Islam for a while. Now I sometimes question why I’m fasting at all. The real reason should be for the sake of Allah ﷻ, but since I’m not officially in the religion yet, it feels confusing. Every time I overthink, I panic and pull away from Islam for a period, but I always find myself coming back. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just drawn to the community and the peaceful atmosphere-wanting to belong somewhere. Many teachings make sense to me, and I’m open-hearted, but where I come from, Islam is often misunderstood as something dangerous, which makes it harder. I’m not sure whether I should continue fasting. I don’t know if I truly fit into this deen or if I’m just trying to shape myself into something I’m not. I question whether my views align with Islam, or if I’m pushing myself to believe instead of sincerely believing. This cycle of overthinking has kept me up at night for years. Some days I feel Allah’s ﷻ presence; other days, I feel totally disconnected.