My Battles and Regrets, Seeking Strength from Faith

Assalamualaikum. It's tough for me to say this, yet I need to get it off my chest. At 20, living in India, I look back with pain on the path I took. Since 16, I got involved in playing games that led to betting with small amounts, and I even started skipping my prayers to do so. By 18, seeing others seem to win big online, I was pulled in deeper, starting with just a small amount from savings. What began as 'just a little' grew; I asked for money from my aunts without explaining why, and I let it spiral. When they asked questions, I stopped but turned to quick loans... and soon was drowning in fear over repayments. I confessed to one aunt about losses from what I said was trading, and with her help, I paid off some debts... but slipped back into the same cycle, losing again. Now, the weight is crushing-I'm in debt, unable to focus on my deen, crying myself to sleep for over a year. Thoughts of giving up have haunted me, but the fear of Allah's consequences and the pain it would cause my parents stop me. With looming repayments, I feel lost, crying and asking Allah, 'Why me?'... I don’t even seek money now, as I know I’d just gamble it away again. I’m sharing this to release some of the burden, hoping for duas and guidance through these trials.