Is My Idea of Marriage Too Picky, or Am I Just Standing Firm on What Counts?

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I’m 29 and from Dhaka, Bangladesh, raised in a middle-class family with an English-medium schooling. My folks have been hunting for a husband for me for nearly 10 years now, but we keep hitting walls-either values don’t click, or my parents, bless them, get tricked by people with shady motives. Let me share a bit about myself: I’ve worn niqab for 12 years, alhamdulillah, and got serious about Islam pretty early on. Sticking to my niqab and keeping proper limits with non-mahrams hasn’t been a breeze, especially with pushback from my own family. But I’ve held tight for Allah’s sake, and letting go of it for marriage isn’t on the table. I never messed with guy friends or relationships-I’ve always been about that one-man commitment. The proposals we’ve seen through relatives and matchmakers? Honestly, a lot have been disheartening. Some guys were a decade older, not too into the deen, and wanted me to ditch niqab after nikkah. Others had creepy social media trails-following indecent models, which made me sick. A few even crossed lines by snagging my number from a female relative and firing off filthy texts. Then there were those eyeing our finances, like our family home, maybe hoping for a cash boost through marriage. My parents even looked into brothers with madrasa backgrounds, but gaps in age expectations, education, lifestyle, and just overall vibe kept popping up. One thing I lean toward is a husband from an English-medium background, like me. Not because I think other paths are less-it’s just that my siblings, cousins, and most people I’ve mixed with share that, so I figure similar schooling and cultural touchpoints might make chitchat and bonding easier. I’ve tried loosening up on this when other things matched, but our mindsets and life approaches ended up wildly different. As for me right now, I’m diving into Quranic studies with some global Islamic institutes-seeking knowledge is a lifelong ride, insha’Allah. I also teach Islam to women and dream of keeping that up, maybe even opening a learning spot for sisters someday. So, what do I want in a husband? Not some super-rich, drop-dead-gorgeous guy or a man who just looks pious on the surface. My hopes are pretty grounded: Someone who prays his five daily salahs steadily. A brother with a decent, halal job-I’m from a middle-class home, so I’m cool with that same level. A man who respects Islamic rules, even if he’s not flawless in practice. Good character and akhlaaq matter tons-gentleness, emotional smarts, patience, nice manners. No rudeness, quick tempers, or harsh vibes. Someone honest, caring, generous, and kind to everyone, no matter their money or status. Not the misogynistic type who sees a wife as a servant for him or his parents. A dude who backs my niqab and cheers on my Islamic learning and teaching gig. A companion I can form a real friendship and emotional tie with-where we’re totally open, no constant fear of being judged. We’d chat freely, crack up together, hold each other up in tough spots, and be each other’s safe place. I’d love for us to lift each other’s deen, nudge closer to Allah, and craft a home full of Islamic spirit. On in-laws: I’ve zero plans to disrespect my future husband’s parents. I truly want a warm bond, treating them kindly and helping where I can. But I can’t get behind that desi norm where a daughter-in-law is just there to slave for her in-laws. I’d gladly serve them out of love and free choice, but not as a forced duty that measures my value as a wife. And I’m not chasing someone I can “fix” into a practicing Muslim after marriage. I’d rather marry a man who already has a link with Allah and shares my core religious ground-we can grow better together. The snag is, my family thinks I’m way too fussy. They say finding a guy ticking these boxes is fantasy, and I should just wed a “normal” dude and slowly steer him toward Islam later. That doesn’t sit right with me. After a decade of misses, I’m starting to wonder: am I really off-base, or just refusing to budge on stuff that’s key to who I am and the marriage I want? Honest thoughts welcome-are my standards crazy? Is preferring a similar educational background a silly fence? Am I nuts for wanting someone already practicing instead of banking on post-marriage change? Are these qualities plain unrealistic? I know nobody’s perfect, myself included. I’m just after a soul whose basics match mine, so we can build a calm, respectful, Islam-rooted life together. Throw me your real talk, even if it goes against my grain. (I ran this by a tool to tidy up my words a bit.)