Is Emotional Numbness the Most Severe Trial from Allah?
Assalamu Alaikum, everyone. I’m sharing this from my heart, hoping to find some Islamic insight.
TLDR at the end.
I never thought I’d be writing this. My life has been completely overturned by something called anhedonia. It’s left me empty, and I’m struggling hard with my faith. That’s why I wonder: could this be one of the hardest trials Allah gives? I really need a Muslim’s view.
Most folks probably haven’t heard of anhedonia. Here’s the simple version: feeling any emotion-like joy, affection, nostalgia, or even sadness-is a bodily function in the brain. In a normal person, chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin jump between cells to make you feel things, similar to how insulin manages sugar. But with anhedonia, this system breaks down, and you stop feeling emotions entirely. Doctors don’t fully understand it; there’s no clear test or sure fix. Sometimes meds even make it worse. It shows up in two ways:
- Consummatory: you feel nothing while actually doing things-like praying, reading Quran, being with family, or enjoying a hobby.
- Anticipatory: you can’t look forward to anything. No excitement about seeing a spouse, no fear of punishment, no hope for Jannah.
I’ve had both for two years now. I was a totally different person before-now I feel like I have no personality left. I look fine on the outside, so people don’t get it. They can’t understand because their brains have always worked; they’ve never experienced this blankness. It’s like someone who sees colors trying to imagine being color-blind-they just can’t.
This numbness has torn apart my relationships. I don’t feel connected to my wife or parents anymore. I used to hug my loved ones, visit my father’s grave, but now there’s nothing. Marriage feels pointless without love or intimacy. I can’t cry at a janazah. I’m indifferent to life and death. No drive for career, no interest in halal entertainment or travel. Sin doesn’t scare me, and good deeds don’t motivate me. It’s just emptiness.
Why do I think this is Allah’s severest trial? Because with anhedonia, I’m basically unable to do the deeds needed for a good afterlife. If it only affected this dunya, I’d accept it and hope for better in the next life. But to reach Jannah, I need to live a faithful life here-and my brain just doesn’t cooperate. It’s like Allah has taken away my means to strive for success in the akhirah. I can’t feel love or a bond with Allah, since that normally involves oxytocin-the “bonding chemical.” There’s research (link below) about a kid who trusted everyone too much because of high oxytocin. So without it, love and connection vanish. No dopamine means no motivation; every act, like praying or giving charity, feels like climbing a mountain.
Before this trial, I was devoted: I prayed, fasted, and stayed engaged with the deen. Now, I’m lost. I ask Allah for forgiveness and healing, and I beg you all: please make dua for me and others suffering through this.
TLDR;
I’m dealing with anhedonia, where the brain can’t produce emotions properly. This kills all motivation and feeling-for both worldly duties and Islamic obligations. No joy in worship, no fear of Jahannam. No love for family or for Allah Himself, because of messed-up brain chemicals. I feel stuck, unable to work for a good afterlife. Is this the ultimate test from Allah? Please keep me in your prayers.
Link referenced on oxytocin: https://www.npr.org/2010/04/22