I've ruined my Akhirah 😭
Assalamu Alaikum everyone. I've committed the biggest sin of my life. I disobeyed, spoke loudly, and misbehaved with my parents. I love my parents, and I'm their only child. I don't know how it could happen by me, but it has happened. I've blamed my parents for calling me back to my hometown for 10 consecutive years. I don't know how I'm going to face Almighty Allah.
My dad worked in Gulf countries from his early 20s. He was the first in my family to go abroad for work, and later he helped his brother and cousins go to the Gulf because of good pay and opportunities. He had the same thought for me after I completed my studies. In 2009, I was 15, in 10th grade, and into cricket in India, which led me to go to Bangalore for studies and cricket. I was on a sports scholarship. My parents supported me and let me go to Bangalore, which is 600 km from my hometown. Everything was fine. He was going back to Qatar after his 2-3 months vacation, and I was in Bangalore. I came home first and second time; he was healthy and fine. But when I came home the third time from Bangalore, I was shocked to see him.
My dad's health deteriorated. He was muscular, well-built, and healthy, and suddenly he got lean, lost all muscles, and at the same time he got an eye issue and was not able to see properly. Both things happened at the same time. Within 6 months this happened. I said I'll complete my studies and come back home, but my parents insisted I study in Bangalore only. I would feel very bad that I'm unable to do anything for them and would be in grief.
My dad didn't go back to the Gulf because his health got affected, and he started a hotel business in my hometown. I completed my 10th. I asked them not to work, but my dad wouldn't listen and continued to work. My parents told me to continue my further studies in Bangalore. I was not interested to study there when my parents were in tough times and our life completely changed. I wanted to be with them, make them sit at home and relax, but they asked me to study. I studied there and would always be in sorrow that all this has happened with us. I said I'll study till 12th, then I'll stop studying and work, and you have to leave the business and be at home. They just said ok. Another 2 years passed; they again insisted I do a degree of 3 years. I was like, again my parents have to suffer for 3 more years. I never wanted them to work, but they just said to continue studying there.
Whenever I would come to my hometown and while leaving back to Bangalore, I would carry the pain and fear that I'm their only child and staying 600 km from them, and they need me the most. They will be alone again at home with my grandmother. I always had this fear of how they are managing everything. I would always feel like leaving studies and working to let them sit, but that didn't happen. Then I started to work along with my studies, night shift for a US-based company. I would always ask my dad to leave work because I would be in constant fear and worry, calling them 3-4 times a day. It kept on for 6 years. Then one fine day they called me home.
The actual part where I ruined my Akhirah: My parents called me to join their business at my hometown. I was ok with that, but the business was because of a urea fertilizer manufacturing plant, and that company got shut down and our business got affected. My dad asked me to go to a Gulf country through his reference in his previous company. I was like, 600 km I have lived with fear, FOMO, worry thinking about you. How am I going to be ok if I leave you both and go 2000 km away for 2 years? I'll be in trauma again. I didn't listen and didn't go, and kept doing jobs in my hometown.
He didn't stop working. It was 5 years past that I was with them. He would always ask me to get married, but I didn't. I would say I'm still not settled here, I won't marry. He didn't sit at home so that I could get relief that he is at home and not working, and I could go to Bangalore or Gulf. But he would always say, "Don't worry too much about me, nothing will happen." I was like, how could I not? Your health and eyes are being affected, how could I not worry about you? He would still say, if you don't go to Gulf, you won't have a good future, and he would ask me to go for just 2-4 years and come back and marry here. I didn't listen, and he didn't listen either; he didn't leave his business. Until Covid-19 in 2020 lockdown, he finally left. I was relieved. I did work from home for 2 years, and he asked me again to go to Gulf. I didn't go. I was living with fear in my heart all the time. If I go, how will they be? And here in my hometown there were not many opportunities, I was not making money as I was supposed to. My relatives taunting me that I'm doing marketing and sales jobs and not making anything out of it. My cousins are engineers, doctors, government employees, earning well, and in Gulf countries, some in my hometown.
Last year he passed away 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭