I turned 30 this year, and I feel like my twenties were stolen by sadness, isolation and broken connections

Bismillah, I just need to get this off my chest. I hit 30 this year, and instead of feeling like I've built something, I feel crushed, low, and like everyone else has moved on without me. I came to Europe 14 years ago to study medicine and I've been by myself ever since. Somewhere down the line, sadness, being alone, and feeling cut off just swallowed me up. I slowly lost my ability to cope or even think straight. I ended up leaving medicine and switched to another field. Now at 30, I still haven't finished my bachelor's. I only have my final project left, but some days just getting out of bed feels like a mountain. I barely have any friends. All I ever really wanted was honest, caring companionship, but the connections I found were mostly with men who sensed my loneliness and weakness and used it against me. I was already worn out, depressed, and starved for any kindness, so I put up with things I'd normally never accept. One long-distance situation really broke me. He messed with my feelings, embarrassed me, fed on my emotional hunger, and I kept forgiving him and going back. Once he said to me, "If I wanted to, I could ruin your life." Later, after I finally stepped away from his toxicity, he laughed off the idea that he'd hurt me: "Did I tell you not to pray? How could I ruin your life when we live so far apart?" I had spent years trying to live a disciplined, faith-centered life here in Europe. That experience shook something deep inside me. I slipped up during a time when I was really struggling mentally, but since then I've been working to straighten my moral compass and guard my faith, dignity, and how I was raised. I also tried Islamic marriage groups, hoping that seeking marriage with serious intentions would be different. Instead, I kept meeting men who seemed to want fun, control, or physical stuff while wrapping it in the respectable cover of religion and marriage. Some had spent years in casual or intimate relationships and suddenly wanted a "pure" wife, while clearly not holding themselves to the same standard. I'm so tired of being someone's temporary test run. The painful part is that this goes way back before romantic relationships. I don't remember ever truly feeling loved when I was growing up. My brother has probably been the one person whose love I never questioned. My relationship with my parents became warmer later on, but as a child I often felt invisible to my mother, and my father seemed more focused on his status and what people thought. Now my parents are getting older, I only have one sibling, and I'm terrified of eventually losing the few people I still have. I look around and see people living everyday lives with their husbands, wives, children, families, and loved ones. Meanwhile, I'm falling apart on my own. I cry while walking down the street, at the bus stop, in the supermarket. Sometimes I can barely leave my bed. I can't find a middle ground emotionally: one day I feel high and like I can rebuild everything, then I spend days completely down again. People talk about loneliness like it's a passing feeling. For me, it's been the pattern of my life-from teenage years, through moving abroad, and into adulthood. Moving to another country only made it deeper and harder. I'm 30 and I'm exhausted from holding myself up alone. I don't need someone else to tell me "30 is still young." I get that in my head. What I don't know is how to start again after spending so many years just surviving instead of truly living-how to finish my degree, get my ability to function back, build healthy friendships, shield myself from people who prey on weakness, and somehow believe that love and belonging are still possible for me. I'm just tired. I honestly don't know where to even start. May Allah make it easier.