I feel so drained and just need some ease

Assalamualaikum everyone. I’m honestly so exhausted with this life, wallahi these days I can’t even find a single day where I’m truly at peace or relaxed. I’m just restless and hurt from how I’ve been treated. I know some people deal with physical pain, sickness, even cancer, and may Allah grant you healing. For me it’s this constant emotional pain and confusion that makes me feel trapped no matter what I try-even exercising doesn’t calm the storm inside, I swear by Allah. I don’t know if I’ll ever be from the happy ones in this world who still enter Jannah, or if I’m just doomed to be miserable until I get there. The anxiety is crushing. I struggle so much and I just wish I could be a good Muslim, someone who fully lives for Allah alone. But I’m a chronic people pleaser and I can’t do it anymore, I don’t want to live for others. Sometimes I get these thoughts of hiding under a table or bed like when I was little and didn’t want to go to school because of bullying, but I can’t hide now-I feel so pressured and forced to go out with family, like I’m never left alone, there’s so much control and I’m suffocating. I ask forgiveness from Allah and His Prophet, peace be upon him, and from anyone I’ve hurt on purpose or by mistake. I just long for a break that’s not temporary but lasting. Some people don’t notice that my anxiety spikes when I go out and I keep thinking maybe Allah should take my soul now and grant me a good death. I’m so worn out, I can’t even take care of myself or truly love myself. For some reason I’m drawn to staying in pain and suffering, and if peace comes close I end up pushing it away. Please, I need your help and your duas. I feel like I’m losing my mind and might just break.