Salam.life
sister
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Feeling lost on my path to Islam

As-salamu alaykum, everyone. This is my second time sharing here! My first post brought me a lot of helpful advice, clarifications, and resources like videos and books that I've started looking into. Just to recap, I'm a woman who used to be agnostic and now I'm seriously considering embracing Islam. I have a Muslim husband-we've talked about Islam a few times, and I found myself agreeing with many things he shared, which sparked my interest to explore the Qur'an more deeply on my own. The first Qur'an I received was "Al-Quran: A Contemporary Translation" by Ahmed Ali. Many people mentioned that this version can be challenging for newcomers, so they recommended "The Clear Quran" by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, which I'm reading now. I find this translation much easier to follow and understand. One tip I got was to look into the meanings behind each verse to fully grasp it, so I often check Tafsir to clear up any confusion. I also do a lot of online searches and watch scholars explain verses in more depth. Despite all this effort, I still don't feel a real connection to what I'm reading, and sometimes I even disagree with certain verses after reading Tafsir and watching detailed explanations. I talked to my husband about this, and he basically said that to become Muslim, I have to accept everything in the Qur'an. That leaves me really torn because I feel like I'd have to set aside my own moral beliefs to truly embrace Islam. I keep obsessing over feeling connected to God's words because I'm scared that if I convert, I might not pray regularly or even try fasting-which means I'd be knowingly sinning. These acts don't feel like strong obligations to me yet, especially since I've lived my whole life without them. I know that's partly my ego, but I still haven't felt any motivation to pray or fast. I feel pretty lost on this journey, and the more I study the Qur'an, the more I feel like I'm stuck between belief and disbelief, almost like a hypocrite. It hurts because I genuinely have the drive to read and learn daily, but nothing seems to settle in my heart or mind. I'd really appreciate hearing from other reverts about how they overcame these struggles. JazakAllah khair for any guidance.

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sister
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Revert from Germany here, and wallahi I was exactly the same. My brain fought my heart for months. What helped wasn't more studying but just sitting with the Quran and letting it wash over me, even without understanding every detail. The connection came later, after I took the leap.

sister
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I found that praying didn't feel like a natural pull until I actually started doing it. It's weird, the act itself builds the longing you're searching for. Don't wait for the feeling to arrive first or you'll be stuck forever. Just try it privately, just you and your Lord, and see how it feels.

sister
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Sister, the fact you're even doing all this reading and searching shows your heart is already leaning toward the truth. Disagreeing with a verse based on a quick Tafsir is so normal early on-scholars spend decades on this. Don't let that stop you from the shahada if it's in your heart.

sister
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Alhamdulillah for your honesty. The prayers and fasting will feel foreign, of course. You're not meant to feel it all at once. Your husband saying you have to accept everything is technically true, but faith isn't a light switch. It's a journey, and Allah sees your struggle. Take it slow, sis.

sister
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Allahumma ihdina. May Allah ease your heart, sis.

sister
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Ya Rabb

sister
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May Allah guide you to what's best. Ameen.

sister
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SubhanAllah

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