Feeling Lost and Wandering Back to Islam Again and Again

Salam everyone, I’m so confused right now and I keep going back and forth with my faith. My head’s full of doubts that make me question Allah’s plans. I used to be really firm in my deen, but then the thing I wanted most was taken away from me, and it’s only gotten harder. I won’t go into details, but I’m putting in so much effort to get it back. I’ve spent nights crying, begging, making salah, and making dua, yet it feels like nothing’s budged. I made so many duas and still see no change, so I stepped away again. Honestly, I feel like I’m fooling myself-because even though I kind of “left” in practice, my mind still keeps going to Allah, and I catch myself relying on Him for the tiniest things. Makes me feel like a total hypocrite, and I can’t shake this guilt no matter how hard I try. I’m exhausted, like I’m losing my mind. I don’t get why Allah would create us knowing we’d suffer and then end up in Jannah or Jahannam. Is that really free will if He already knows our choices and our ending? Then what’s the wisdom behind all this earthly pain? Why make humans with such deep feelings and all these conflicting ideas? To me, it seems messed up-putting people through so much when He knows most will end up in hell feels harsh. I just feel stuck, and maybe it’s because I’m missing knowledge, but this frustration is eating me up. A year ago I’d never imagine being in this dark place. But deep down, I think I’m being misled by hanging around the wrong people. Any advice from a brother or sister? 😔