Feeling far from my deen and basic duties – I’m broken and need advice

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, This has been weighing on my heart for so long, and I just need to let it out. Please be gentle with me and advise me kindly. I’ve lost all belief in myself. Just a year ago, alhamdulillah, I was so consistent in my practice. Those months were truly the happiest I’ve ever felt. I’d pray on time, read Quran, stay away from major sins-nothing extraordinary, just the basics. I even felt that sting of guilt before doing something wrong. It all clicked during one Ramadan, maybe 2024 or 2025, and I felt like a whole new person. Then suddenly, everything crumbled. My salah dropped from five to four, then three, until I stopped entirely. Now I shut my door and pretend to pray just so my parents don’t find out. I despise it, I despise myself. I can’t recall the last time I opened the Quran. Where did my desire for worship go? I sin without a second thought and feel no remorse. I still fast and I’m not on a completely dark path, but it’s not enough. I love my deen, my Lord, and my Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. I kept telling myself ‘Wait till Ramadan, you’ll get back on track.’ It didn’t work. I fasted, forced my prayers, waited for a sign from Allah-but nothing came. On Laylatul Qadr I stood in tahajjud for twelve rak‘at, begging Allah to pull me back to Him. I asked for grades and other worldly needs too, but my duas felt unanswered. I’m so envious of Muslims who can simply pray. I can’t. Even when I push myself, my mind wanders everywhere else. I spoke to a few people and they brushed it off, saying ‘you’re still young’-but that wasn’t the help I needed. Did I upset Allah? Why is He ignoring my sobs and pleas to return? That’s all I want: space in my heart for Islam again. I’m typing this through tears, aching with longing. I miss my deen so much. Islam will always come first in my heart, but I’m falling apart. I commit huge sins and don’t even consider the damage they’re doing to my soul. There’s an emptiness inside me. Ever since my passion for Islam faded, I’ve been depressed and turned into someone I don’t recognize. Sometimes I think about ending it all. I’m exhausted. It’s like I just don’t care anymore. I feel so much shame sharing this. But please, listen to me. I’ve been scolded harshly before and pushed aside-so I’m begging for real guidance. Why am I being ignored? I wear hijab, I defend Islam, I do everything except the bare minimum obligations. And I fall into such ugly sins I’m too embarrassed to name. Jazakum Allahu khayran. Please, help me.