Does anyone else just feel worn out by this dunya? I wanna go back home.

I just need a place to let these thoughts out, they've been sitting in me too long. Before anyone gets worried, I'm not gonna hurt myself. I won’t do it. Suicide is haram, and I fear Allah and the punishment of the Fire. I know ending my own life isn’t the way. But sometimes I wish Allah would just take me back Himself. That’s the part that’s hard to explain. I think about death and instead of being scared, I feel this relief. I picture Allah calling me back, like He tells the angels, "My servant is tired. Take his soul." And I smile. The idea of finally leaving all this behind, finally getting rest, finally going back to the One who made me-it feels so comforting. Sometimes I think about Allah knowing my name. The Creator of everything. The King of all kings. The One who made the whole universe, yet He knows I exist. He knows my name. He knows every thought I hide, every tear nobody sees, every mistake I’ve made, every moment I felt alone. I’m nothing compared to all He created, but He still knows me. That thought makes me smile more than I can say. But then I think, "What if I’m not ready?" I’ve got sins. I wasted so much time. My iman goes up and down. I’ve ignored things I shouldn’t have. I haven’t become the person I wanted to be. If Allah took me back today, I don’t feel like I’ve done enough to earn Jannah. So I’m caught between two feelings. I’m scared of dying because I don’t know what’s waiting for me. And I’m tired of living because I don’t know how much more hurt I can handle. I’m only 25. Folks say I’m young and have my whole life ahead of me, but honestly, that thought scares me. I think about how much more I might have to go through and I just feel drained. I don’t wanna die by my own hand. I don’t wanna disobey Allah. I just want the pain to stop. Really, this dunya has worn me out. The endless chasing. Never getting what you hoped for. Being used, let down, feeling like nobody truly wants good for you. Running after money, status, success, marriage, all the things we’re told will make us happy, only to still feel empty. I feel disconnected from it all. I don’t want this dunya anymore. I just wanna go home. I just wanna go back to Him. I know I need sabr. I know Allah’s mercy is bigger than my sins. I know life is a test. I know all that. I’m just tired. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un.