Desperately Seeking a Way Forward

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I’m an engineer, just graduated from a private university, and some stuff in my life is making me feel totally stuck and helpless. When I started uni, I moved from my village to the city-totally new scene, new faces, and I just wanted to get along with everyone and be on good terms. But over the years, I figured out it’s not that easy. No matter what, someone would always be upset with something I did. I got obsessed with people’s approval without even realizing it. To keep things smooth with everyone, I started acting like them, blending in, and before I knew it, I was deep into gossip. It began small, but grew into something awful-like, I was even making up stories about people. At first, I’d feel guilty, but soon that guilt just vanished. That’s when I noticed all the mercy and blessings in my life had dried up. The end of uni was brutal. I’d talk badly about one person to stay tight with another, and eventually everyone caught on. I got humiliated pretty badly. I don’t blame them, honestly-I messed up, and I know Allah is letting me face the fallout. In my final days, no one wanted to be near me or even speak to me, and I carried this crushing loneliness. I’ve got a couple of questions I need help with: 1) I know the hadiths about backbiting and how serious it is. I’ve talked smack about so many people, some whose names I can’t even recall. With some, things are so broken I can’t even ask for forgiveness, and I’m scared if I try reaching out, they’ll just mock me. What can I do so Allah forgives me for this on the Day of Judgment? 2) I feel like all the mercy and blessings are gone from my life. I’ve got no real goals, I’ve stopped praying without even feeling bad, I don’t want to read the Quran, and I can’t focus on anything, not even my studies. How do I fix myself? I truly want to be a good person, deep down, and move on without this heavy guilt and regret.