Dealing with Toxic Relatives: Seeking Peace in a Muslim Marriage

Salam Alaikum, everyone. I've been struggling with some family issues and wanted to share, hoping for advice or just to vent. Some of us have relatives who are really arrogant and make hurtful comments. I have family on my dad's side-his sister's husband and their kids, his brother (who's not as bad but still mocks me behind my back), and both my aunts-who constantly say mean things to me, my mom, my dad, my younger sister, and even my wife. Every day, I can't stop thinking about the hurtful things they've said. It's affecting my peace of mind and my marriage. Let me start with my father's sister's husband and his family. I'm not going to make takfir, but honestly, their behavior doesn't reflect Islam. They don't pray regularly. They only get religious during Ramadan in recent years-before, they used to skip fasting because the days were "too long." They're known for having big mouths; they only respect a few people and act nice just to their faces. They mock you for having a different opinion and laugh at people who are struggling financially or mentally. There was a family in their neighborhood who had mental health issues, and they always made fun of how they spoke and acted. Their son, who went through a divorce, spent a whole year badmouthing his ex-wife. They dated for 8 years, had a huge 500-person wedding, and split just 4 months later-you could feel the tension at the wedding. Of course, they never blamed him, only her. This same son once bragged to me about how many women he's been with, even mentioning he paid one girl and naming the price. And on the same night he bragged about zina, he sarcastically commented on me fasting-it was the last day of Ramadan. Let me explain that day. I had an exhausting day traveling for work: - Iftar at the airport was just chocolate because of a flight delay. - I arrived very late, so I had one meal that served as both iftar and sahoor. - I took a bus at 5:30 AM for work, worked all day without eating during breaks. - Then took a 3-4 hour bus ride back at 5:00 PM. Right before he bragged about his sins, he mockingly laughed and said, "Who said you had to fast?" He also once called me dumb for believing in the miracle of the moon splitting. These people say terrible things to me and especially to my mom because my dad is quiet and doesn't stand up for himself. They're the type who, even if you achieve something great, will find a way to belittle you. Like if you started a successful business, they'd ask when you're going to do something else, just to mock you. I don't remember a single nice moment with any of them. My father's brother, as I said, is not as bad, but he still mocks me behind my back. When I got married, my wife and I moved into an apartment and paid rent. Alhamdulillah, I was earning well, so we could afford it. But he kept making fun of me, saying I "moved in with my wife," trying to make it seem like I was weak or controlled by her. He pressured my mom until she started believing him. He made it out like I was afraid of my wife and went to live at her place, but the truth is we lived in a completely different city, paid our own rent, and I was already living there before marriage. I used to love him as a kid-he was like the fun version of my dad, who was often away for work. But recently, after we moved again, he asked my sister, "Does he not like rocks anymore?" referring to the rocky area we used to live in. He also suggested twice that my wife could get a good government job in our home city, trying to push us to move back where all these toxic people live. His wife even suggested I take my father-in-law's flat and redecorate it, mockingly saying I should live at her place since I'm not living at my parents' house. In my family's culture, there's this idea that a man isn't "man enough" if he doesn't control his wife and dictate where they live. I moved away from an empty house-my parents don't even live there-and pay rent simply because I couldn't handle the toxic environment. I want to expand my horizons and live away from relatives who don't mind their own business. Never did I want to force my wife to live somewhere; we make decisions together. These relatives are backward in their thinking. What hurts most is that they turn my parents against me regarding: 1. **Not having children yet**: My wife has chronic health issues, and Allah has not willed a child for us yet. We have full tawakkul and know it will happen when the time is right. 2. **Not living in my parents' home city**: in a house my parents barely visit. My parents are good people, but they don't stand up for themselves. They're people-pleasers, always trying to win respect with gifts and kindness, but it never works. My mom has a victim mentality and can be narcissistic-if things don't go her way, she takes it out on us (may Allah forgive her). Once, she didn't speak to my sister for four days because they disagreed on something. I encouraged my sister to move out for university to help her grow. My mom is also scared I won't take care of her when she's old, despite my reassurances. She gets upset over small innocent comments, always assuming bad intentions. My dad is always quiet and distant-either on his phone or just checked out. He worked abroad most of my childhood, so I barely know him. If something bothers him, he tells my mom, and she confronts me. If I disagree, I get the silent treatment. I never felt like my parents had my back. Today, I found out from my wife that my little sister is chronically sick-my parents never told me. They constantly try to please the toxic extended family to avoid insults, but it never works. Then they get hurt or turn against me because I'm the black sheep. When I was getting married, I asked my mom not to tell anyone, and within an instant, everyone knew. I'm afraid of losing my temper and yelling at my parents or spilling family secrets in anger. I don't want to cut ties, and I want my parents to be happy, but not at the cost of my own peace. All this stress affects my marriage; when I'm anxious, my wife gets anxious too, and I don't want to burden her. I don't want to change my family. For some, I wish them well; for others, I pray Allah keeps them distant or guides them. I just want to: - Stop caring about their comments. - Stop getting hurt so easily. - Protect my peace and my marriage. May Allah keep you all healthy. Any advice or du'a would be appreciated.