sister
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Dealing with a father's troubling behavior

Assalamu Alaikum. I'm struggling with something really heavy and need to let it out. My father has five kids but was never really there for us emotionally. Even as a child, I sensed something off. My older sister used to confront him and warn me not to be alone with him. She endured so much mental torment, especially after we moved abroad for his work. He would say creepy things like, "Why should your future husband have rights over you? I should have those rights too," and once told her he'd destroy her character in front of my brothers by falsely accusing her of an affair. Alhamdulillah, she's happily married now with two kids. But when I was 13 or 14, I started feeling unsafe too. I'm 24 now, so this was about a decade ago. I'd wake up to find him sitting near my feet with a strange smile, or once holding my hand while I slept. The worst was when I crashed in my sister-in-law’s room and woke up to his hand near my chest. He claimed he was looking for a remote, but I knew better. I called him a shaytan and told him firmly that if he ever crossed a line again, I'd report him. I kept my distance after that, and though he still covered expenses like driving lessons and uni, I never trusted him. From other women, I've heard similar stuff. When we visited our home country, a cousin shared that she saw him lingering outside her house, and once while she was showering alone, he opened a faulty lock and saw her. Then he had the nerve to tell her, "Don't tell anyone." It's all so disturbing. Recently, my brother caught him peeking into my sister-in-law’s room. He made excuses, swore it was about cigarettes, but his oaths mean nothing. My brother now keeps his distance and told us we only need minimal interaction-if he steps out of line, we'll confront him. SubhanAllah, maybe it's Allah's plan. But I still wonder: what do you do with a father like this? Any advice would be appreciated, make du'a for us.

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sister
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This is devastating but I’m so proud of your sister and you for breaking the silence. A father’s title doesn’t shield his criminal acts. The cousin’s story shows it’s a pattern, not a slip. You don’t owe him closeness. Fulfill your basic duties from a distance and guard your peace fiercely. Making du’a.

sister
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My heart is pounding reading this. That sweet smile you wake up to is a predator’s mask, not a father’s. Your brother backing you is a huge blessing. You did everything right-calling him shaytan was not disrespect, it was a brave naming of evil. Stay safe, sis.

sister
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Ukhti, your strength is incredible. Keeping firm boundaries and minimal contact is exactly what the sharia permits in cases like this. That man is ill, and his actions are a major sin. Seek support from a trusted scholar and keep documenting if you can safely. Your vigilance saved you, Alhamdulillah.

sister
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Alhamdulillah for your sister’s safety.

sister
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SubhanAllah, this is truly heavy.

sister
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May Allah protect you all.

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