Can you ever find peace again after a mistake that shakes who you are?

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I’m not fully sure why I’m sharing this, but I need to let it out because carrying it alone is getting too heavy. I’m a young Muslimah, and until my final year of medical school, I was always the disciplined, hardworking, ambitious type. I had big plans: moving abroad, building a solid career, starting a family, caring for myself, and actually enjoying life. I’d just become financially independent, and everything felt wide open. In my last year, a guy from class kept trying to get close. I told him outright I was planning to move away and didn’t see us together. But here’s what eats at me most: it’s not just that I crossed lines-it’s who I crossed them with. We were from completely different worlds. Not saying I’m better, but we shared almost nothing: not upbringing, not ambitions, not how we talk or see things. He wasn’t someone I could really connect with, and I never once imagined him as a husband or even someone I’d seriously consider. Yet he kept pushing, I let things slide bit by bit, and it spiraled until I ended up at his place. I gave him access to my intimacy-no full intercourse, but acts I’d always sworn to keep for marriage. I’ve repented as deeply as I can, begging Allah for forgiveness and wishing with all my heart I could undo it. The guilt is crushing. What confuses me is I wasn’t in love with him. He didn’t match my dreams at all. I just made this mistake with someone who, looking back, makes zero sense to me. Later, I met another man who truly fit me-our values, minds, everything aligned-and we were heading toward marriage, but it ended. After that breakup, it hit me hard what I’d done with the first guy, and my self-image shattered. I feel like I cheapened myself, giving part of my intimacy to the last person I’d ever have expected. The gap between who I’ve always been and that choice haunts me. Even if no one ever knew, I’d still suffer because I know. It’s messed with my self-esteem deeply. I’m at an age where I should be thriving-caring for my skin, body, mind, enjoying my independence, growing my career, traveling, making plans. Instead, I shrink everywhere. Family meals, outings, even beautiful moments get swallowed by this regret. I backed out of my medical specialty exam because the thought of bumping into him or old classmates terrifies me. I’m disgusted by him now, and apparently he still thinks we could reunite, which makes me feel sick. Work just started for me, but I can’t focus or enjoy it. I’m isolated and on edge, ashamed to meet my parents’ eyes because they’ve always known me as their serious, principled daughter. I’m not excusing it-I chose it, and I’ve repented with everything in me. But I can’t grasp how I made a decision so far from who I thought I was, and especially why it was with him. So I’m asking: has anyone else been through this? A mistake against your values, sincere tawbah after, with someone you can’t fathom choosing, until shame and regret start wrecking your life and who you think you are? Can you ever get back to a normal life, to peace and enjoying things again? How did you move past the shame without letting that one story define you forever?